Hello, my dear friends,
My name is Milton “Mudblood” Mortimer and you probably don’t remember me at all. I caused something of a stir recently you see. A few months back I got a little internet famous for teaching practical magic and herbology on YouTube. I got some endorsement deals and I was even thinking about quitting my potion-making job and becoming a full-time YouTube Wizard when I got an owl from a place called Redactors Inc. The Redactors are this pretty horrendous group of government contractors who help enforce the American Statute of Secrecy. Their letter informed me (in a sort of long-winded and sterile “beauracratize”) that I was in breach and contempt of the ASOS and that my social media accounts, YouTube channel and everything related to my show “Magical Plants for Muggles and More” was being redacted from the memories of any non-magical persons who had seen it. Not only that, but I was to be fined for the cost of all of the memory charms.
It was not a good day.
Along with my bill for services unwillingly rendered, they sent me a book, The Modern Manual For Magical Media. That was their first mistake. I read. OH DO I READ. It’s a book roughly the size of my complete works of William Shakespeare and thanks to my trusty speed reading brew I finished it in about an hour or so and I found the most magical American loophole ever. “Due application of the American Statute of Secrecy may not interfere with the ability of any legitimate wizarding enterprise to conduct regular profit-generating business.”
It’s not a great rule.
But I do not intend to look this particular Hippogriff in the mouth.
For legal reasons, I must now inform you and anyone else reading this blog post that, contrary to whatever you might imagine, this blog, my YouTube show, and all associated materials are intended to promote the sale of magical products that are safe for use by and around non-magical peoples. My intentions are non-altruistic, entirely selfish, and therefore completely legal. Above all, I hope this teaches Redactors Inc. a valuable lesson about the perils of giving a magic nerd a book to read.
So thank you, for visiting! I’m glad to be back on the World Wide Web fully legal and ready and willing to bring Muggle safe magic to everyone. We are going to have a lot of fun this summer.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/miltonmudblood/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MiltonMudblood
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MiltonMudblood
